My next great love.

Knowledge. Self knowledge. So incredibly empowering. So defining. And yet so often something that seeps in without an conscious awareness until someone or something sheds light on it. 

Tonight, a conversation over a bottle of my favorite Malbec brought me a sense of awareness and a better understanding of myself. 

We were speaking about my relationships, or rather about the men I have loved deeply. And I shared over that bottle of wine what I have shared many times. That my first love was the greatest love I had known. And I would have been completely content with that man and on that path. Until it didn't work out. And I was terrified I would never be loved that much again. And then I grew and my dreams changed. And I fell in love that deeply again. Different, but deep. And my second love became the greatest love I had known. And I would have been completely content with that man and on that path. Until it didn't work out. And again I became terrified I would never be loved that much again. But again I grew and my dreams changed. And I know I will fall love in again. Because I have a propensity for great love and the ability to love deeply. 

None of that is any new realization for me. I have blogged about that a million and one times. My great realization this evening was that the reason I no longer live in fear of never being loved like that again is because I already found my next great love. And as cheesy as it may sound, my next great love is me. For the first time in my life, I have dedicated my life, my purpose, my direction to my own happiness and well being. Undefined by anyone else. And for the first time in my life, I love myself so deeply that I am not afraid I won't be loved by others. I want to spend the rest of my life working on loving myself this much. And my hope is just to find a partner who loves the me that I love.