Guilt.

The definition of guilt:

a :  the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously

b :  feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : self-reproach

I have come to realize that in the past year or so, I have rarely felt guilty. Guilt just isn’t an emotional response that I value. Whenever I attempt to explain this in person, I end up sounding like a sociopath however that is due more to my ineptitude at explaining myself orally rather than my actual mindset. There are other negative responses I struggle with. Rumination, that is definitely one I have struggled with but largely because I underwent some fairly significant life changes in the last year (layoff, struggles with a new job, serious breakup, new apartment, new financial responsibilities). My rumination was focused on figuring where I had fallen short so that as I am continuing on in life as an individual rather than in a partnership, I am making choices true to me. 

To me, guilt, or prolonged guilt, is an utter waste of time and space. 


Some dude said "no amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worry can change the future." The reason why I rarely feel guilt is because I have created a fairly clear moral compass and set of priorities for myself, surrounded myself with people who hold me to them, and have empathy for myself when I fall short. 

Guilt implies that you are still trapped in that moment. If I am concerned about my eating or my drinking or my health, it will not help me to dwell on my imperfect moments, it will help to define what is important to me going forward. If I flake on a friend, is it helpful to feel guilt and to remind them of my guilt? Not particularly. Guilt only weighs on you or on the person you try to shift your guilt onto in order to find absolution. I'd rather figure out why I flaked and address the issue (which may mean no longer committing to things when I am not actually interested in them, or addressing qualms within a friendship that are making me more distant, or better prioritizing my week so that I have energy to devote to my friends). 

And sometimes it’s ok to just have a day where you give zero fucks and decide to just do you. Consider it a mental health day.

Another dude said: "Guilt is to the spirit what pain is to the body." When you are in physical pain, you typically try to relieve yourself of it as quickly as possible. You remedy the situation and hopefully change behaviors so as to avoid future pain. Guilt is no different. Deal with it and move on. Either stop doing what makes you feel guilty or stop feeling bad about what you are doing. The path you choose is up to you but pick one because dwelling in guilt is pointless.

I do feel bad when I let people down but I try to get over it quickly and focus on how to improve my behavior in the future. In general I try to live a life that consistently matches my values. When I do, I rarely have a reason to feel guilty.