I am female and I am so over feminists.
Don't worry, I didn't have a stroke or some other traumatic brain injury- this is merely the title of an article written by some woman who may have (just kidding... she's just another privileged white girl, though to be fair, the symptoms can be quite similar).
This article has been shared twice with me in the last 24 hrs- once from a friend who wanted to (figuratively) set her coworker on fire for posting it and another from a friend who isn't sure how he feels about feminism and wanted to know my thoughts. Luckily for both, I am never lacking in an opinion nor shy about sharing them. Afterwards, I felt it might be a worthwhile exercise to share it on here as well.
Reading this article made me want to rip my hair out, vomit and kind of punch this woman in the face, but I am a rational adult (despite all those crazy hormones coursing through my female body) who is capable of controlling (most) of her behavior so I did none of those things. 1) I really like my hair; 2) I really don't enjoy vomiting; and 3) I don't think I'd fair well in jail, so all of these would be futile. Also, because I hear this nonsense daily. Instead, I shall tackle this the best way I know how- by taking a wine laced hour to address and dismantle each point (and then refining and editing it repeatedly over the next two weeks so it becomes more than a verbal purge).
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GASP! MEN HAVE IDEAS?! TIME TO LIGHT THEM ALL ON FIRE, JUST LIKE MY BRAS, BEFORE THEY GET ANY BIG ONES.
Something is a load of bull and it definitely is not feminism.
Facts would disagree with you. In 2014, the US was 65th in world on gender pay gap. Out of 193 countries in the United Nations, the US is one of the only that does not offer paid maternity/paternity leave. The US also only ranks 33 for women's life expectancy. And the US has fallen from 20 to 28 in rankings of women's equality. So no, this is not the best place to be a woman. Additionally, given that less than 200 years ago a woman your age would already be married with multiple children, considered the legal property of her husband (who could beat her or sexually assault her as his heart desired with no legal ramifications), unable to own property or vote, I don't think you are setting a particularly high bar.
And funny you should ask how many women turn on Sports Center in the middle of the day because women make up an estimated 45 percent of the NFL’s more than 150 million American fans, so I am guessing at least a good number of them are turning on Sports Center, god forbid maybe even in the middle of their day.
Also, the assumption you are making is that only women watch female athletics which I find interesting in and of itself. I challenge you to consider why men's sports are placed on a higher pedestal than women's. You later mention facts, despite never really using them, so let's talk about the fact that women didn't even have equal access to sports or funding for sports prior to Title IX and the possible impact that might have on women in sports, on demographics who watch sports, and on the access to female athletics in general. What you are describing are social attitudes that are mired in years of patriarchal bullshit and will take time to shift.
Huh? The article you linked to is explaining why feminists, aren't bothered by this... so now I am starting to wonder if you can read. Regardless, you shoved so many digs about feminism into one paragraph, I shall do my best to address each one.
1.) I have no inherent problem with a man opening a door for me or buying me dinner. Those are courteous and generous acts that I would appreciate from any person regardless of gender, race, or economic status. What I take fault in is a world where if I offer to pay or split the check (because I don't want the financial burden of our relationship to be resting entirely on the shoulders of my partner), I am somehow emasculating my partner. Or where the person who pays for my dinner begins to feel entitled to kiss me, or touch me, or have sex with me. Buying me dinner is a nice gesture, one that should be given freely without expectation. You choosing to buy my dinner does not entitle you to anything.
2) And if you hold the door for me, great! What a delightful fellow citizen you are. If I get to a door before you next time, I will make sure to hold it for you because that is what a courteous person does. If you are doing it for any reason other than being courteous, think about that and why that might be.
3) Men's bodies are meant to endure more physically? Women are delicate? I wonder if you have heard of this thing called childbirth. I don't know how delicate you can be when your body can literally grow a human and then pop said human out of a tiny little hole between your legs. Women are strong as hell.
4) You appear to live in a world where the only body types that exist are archetypical. The variety between, amongst and within male, female and trans body types is astounding and widely diverse. You are right, many women do not have the physical body type to be a linebacker in the NFL but neither do many men nor do a lot of men have the desire or the physical ability to play football either. So no, I personally cannot imagine being tackled by a 200 lb linebacker, largely because I have zero interest in doing so, but there are plenty of women who can and would, and would likely kick that 200 lb linebackers ass. Women don't want access into the NFL for shits and giggles, they want it because of desire and ability. I ask you this, if a woman can hold her own physically against a man in the NFL, why should she be denied the ability to? Other than the fact that she has a vagina and that appears to make you uncomfortable. Here is an incredibly interesting article tackling many of the falsehoods you are spouting.
4) Don't blame science. Science doesn't appreciate it.
"Women branching out into the workforce is still relatively new." Any interest in reminding us why that is? Does it maybe start with a "P" and end in an "atriarchy"? [And as my friend pointed out to me after having posted this, women of color and from more disadvantaged socioeconomic backgrounds have been working for a long ass time for little to no pay. So no, women working is not new, but women's access to the some of the same jobs as men, is.]
Also, cool beans on that very limited historical note, but how does that contribute to your point? If I enter the work force today at the same time as a male colleague who is equally as qualified as me, he should not make $.20 more than me per hour. Thank god I am privileged enough to be white and heterosexual, because if I was a woman of color or a trans woman or I'd be making even less.
And you are right, women do deserve recognition for being bad ass trailblazers shattering glass ceilings and demanding equal pay/respect, which feminists give them all the time... in case you hadn't notice, that's kind of a major tenant of feminism. But the reality (which by your own words, you seem to agree with) is that women are still struggling to be treated equally. And that reality sucks. So feminism is going to continue to challenge the norm because women didn't get to enter the workplace or close the wage gap as much as they have because men collectively said "hey, we should let women do this". If that was all it took, shouldn't there be no pay gap at all at this point? Shouldn't they have collectively said, "woah, this is shitty, people shouldn't make more money based on their gender or race." If the patriarchy is so benevolent, why does it only allow advancement after millions of people light a fire under its ass for a really long time?
No, we have what we have today because our feminist sisters (and brothers) fought their asses off to get us here. And we are going to fight our asses off so that our daughters and their daughters don't have this gap at all. So that they are compensated equitably for their work, thereby having the same access to a stable life and retirement.
Here is more information from the Joint Economic Committee on this topic. Some fun highlights for you:
As a feminist, I recognize that femininity and masculinity are socially constructed. That while we are born with various genitalia and into specific biological categories, our gender is something completely different and is shaped, molded and enforced by society. I am deeply troubled by the limitations that masculinity places on the men in my life. I am saddened that "feminine" traits are seen as inferior and weak and that men are often terrified of demonstrating them for fear that someone will question their manhood or their sexual orientation. I am equally as concerned about how we raise men as I am about how we raise women. I want men to be able to cry, to be stay at home fathers or even just to take time off after their children are born to bond with and nurture them and to be able to be loving and supportive partners, to understand and respect consent, to advocate for their emotional mental and physical well beings while having enough empathy and respect for everyone else's.
But the reality is, the ramifications of exterminating feminism would have more severe implications for women than for men, which is why women are typically at the forefront of the conversation.
I beg of you, read Maya Angelou, read bell hooks, read Simone de Beauvoir, read Roxanne Gay or Malala Yousafzai and educate yourself on these matters rather than categorically hating on all feminists. Feminism is for everybody.
Feminism does not hate men. Let me repeat: FEMINISM. DOES. NOT. HATE. MEN. Feminism abhors and wants to dismantle (similarly to how I feel about your article) patriarchy, aka a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. A penis should not give you any additional privileges or bestow upon you any additional rights in our society. Nor should a vagina for that matter. Your genitalia shouldn't have anything to do with your rights. You are conflating individuals with social and economic structures.
I genuinely resent these statements whenever I hear them. I love the men in my life and I am appreciative for all they have contributed to my life. My stepdad basically raised me from 12 on, my friend Jordan is one of the best humans I have ever met, and I have been fortunate enough to be in love on two separate occasions both times with men who were incredibly supportive. But in any relationship, it is important to hold your loved ones accountable and to challenge their perspective of the world. Being a man comes with privilege and men must acknowledge that. Just as white women need to acknowledge that they have privileges women of color do not. We all, as individuals, need to do better and be better. And we, as a society, need to have a critical lens on the world we create and the impact of it. We need to do better and be better. This is a challenge and critique on patriarchy as a whole, not men as individuals.
Patriarchy, the society in which we live, is the only thing claiming there is a dominant gender and it sure as shit isn't claiming it's women. Women are not claiming to be dominant they are asking to be treated equal.
But I do agree with you on one thing, it is time to embrace that we exist in this sphere together, so I sincerely hope you and your counterparts finally decide to step up to the plate because we've been waiting. Despite the benefits and privilege you reap from feminism, you do not appreciate it. How lucky for you to crap all over something that will continue to have your back and fight for you no matter how many times you scorn it.
You don't have to be a perfect feminist to be a feminist. We will accept you from all ages, stages, races, genders, sexual identifications and economic statuses. But as I've said many times before, and I will say many times more: if you are not a feminist, you are an asshole.
And I think the millions of women, children, and men who marched yesterday in the womxn's marches around the world, might agree with me.
--------------------
I'd also like to end this little lesson by acknowledging that for the most part, I addressed these topics from a very heterosexual, white perspective. Many of my responses did not give a full explanation describing or factoring in the many layers of intersectionality that I should have. I take ownership for that and will continue to read more and educate myself better so that when I discuss these topics, I will have enough information to be able to readily respond with a more intersectional lens. I write these things generally as a mental purge so I need to build up the library in my brain in order to have a more complete collection with which I pull information from.
I am a bad feminist, but I am working on it.
This article has been shared twice with me in the last 24 hrs- once from a friend who wanted to (figuratively) set her coworker on fire for posting it and another from a friend who isn't sure how he feels about feminism and wanted to know my thoughts. Luckily for both, I am never lacking in an opinion nor shy about sharing them. Afterwards, I felt it might be a worthwhile exercise to share it on here as well.
Reading this article made me want to rip my hair out, vomit and kind of punch this woman in the face, but I am a rational adult (despite all those crazy hormones coursing through my female body) who is capable of controlling (most) of her behavior so I did none of those things. 1) I really like my hair; 2) I really don't enjoy vomiting; and 3) I don't think I'd fair well in jail, so all of these would be futile. Also, because I hear this nonsense daily. Instead, I shall tackle this the best way I know how- by taking a wine laced hour to address and dismantle each point (and then refining and editing it repeatedly over the next two weeks so it becomes more than a verbal purge).
--------------------
GASP! MEN HAVE IDEAS?! TIME TO LIGHT THEM ALL ON FIRE, JUST LIKE MY BRAS, BEFORE THEY GET ANY BIG ONES.
Something is a load of bull and it definitely is not feminism.
Facts would disagree with you. In 2014, the US was 65th in world on gender pay gap. Out of 193 countries in the United Nations, the US is one of the only that does not offer paid maternity/paternity leave. The US also only ranks 33 for women's life expectancy. And the US has fallen from 20 to 28 in rankings of women's equality. So no, this is not the best place to be a woman. Additionally, given that less than 200 years ago a woman your age would already be married with multiple children, considered the legal property of her husband (who could beat her or sexually assault her as his heart desired with no legal ramifications), unable to own property or vote, I don't think you are setting a particularly high bar.
And funny you should ask how many women turn on Sports Center in the middle of the day because women make up an estimated 45 percent of the NFL’s more than 150 million American fans, so I am guessing at least a good number of them are turning on Sports Center, god forbid maybe even in the middle of their day.
Also, the assumption you are making is that only women watch female athletics which I find interesting in and of itself. I challenge you to consider why men's sports are placed on a higher pedestal than women's. You later mention facts, despite never really using them, so let's talk about the fact that women didn't even have equal access to sports or funding for sports prior to Title IX and the possible impact that might have on women in sports, on demographics who watch sports, and on the access to female athletics in general. What you are describing are social attitudes that are mired in years of patriarchal bullshit and will take time to shift.
Huh? The article you linked to is explaining why feminists, aren't bothered by this... so now I am starting to wonder if you can read. Regardless, you shoved so many digs about feminism into one paragraph, I shall do my best to address each one.
1.) I have no inherent problem with a man opening a door for me or buying me dinner. Those are courteous and generous acts that I would appreciate from any person regardless of gender, race, or economic status. What I take fault in is a world where if I offer to pay or split the check (because I don't want the financial burden of our relationship to be resting entirely on the shoulders of my partner), I am somehow emasculating my partner. Or where the person who pays for my dinner begins to feel entitled to kiss me, or touch me, or have sex with me. Buying me dinner is a nice gesture, one that should be given freely without expectation. You choosing to buy my dinner does not entitle you to anything.
2) And if you hold the door for me, great! What a delightful fellow citizen you are. If I get to a door before you next time, I will make sure to hold it for you because that is what a courteous person does. If you are doing it for any reason other than being courteous, think about that and why that might be.
3) Men's bodies are meant to endure more physically? Women are delicate? I wonder if you have heard of this thing called childbirth. I don't know how delicate you can be when your body can literally grow a human and then pop said human out of a tiny little hole between your legs. Women are strong as hell.
4) You appear to live in a world where the only body types that exist are archetypical. The variety between, amongst and within male, female and trans body types is astounding and widely diverse. You are right, many women do not have the physical body type to be a linebacker in the NFL but neither do many men nor do a lot of men have the desire or the physical ability to play football either. So no, I personally cannot imagine being tackled by a 200 lb linebacker, largely because I have zero interest in doing so, but there are plenty of women who can and would, and would likely kick that 200 lb linebackers ass. Women don't want access into the NFL for shits and giggles, they want it because of desire and ability. I ask you this, if a woman can hold her own physically against a man in the NFL, why should she be denied the ability to? Other than the fact that she has a vagina and that appears to make you uncomfortable. Here is an incredibly interesting article tackling many of the falsehoods you are spouting.
4) Don't blame science. Science doesn't appreciate it.
"Women branching out into the workforce is still relatively new." Any interest in reminding us why that is? Does it maybe start with a "P" and end in an "atriarchy"? [And as my friend pointed out to me after having posted this, women of color and from more disadvantaged socioeconomic backgrounds have been working for a long ass time for little to no pay. So no, women working is not new, but women's access to the some of the same jobs as men, is.]
Also, cool beans on that very limited historical note, but how does that contribute to your point? If I enter the work force today at the same time as a male colleague who is equally as qualified as me, he should not make $.20 more than me per hour. Thank god I am privileged enough to be white and heterosexual, because if I was a woman of color or a trans woman or I'd be making even less.
And you are right, women do deserve recognition for being bad ass trailblazers shattering glass ceilings and demanding equal pay/respect, which feminists give them all the time... in case you hadn't notice, that's kind of a major tenant of feminism. But the reality (which by your own words, you seem to agree with) is that women are still struggling to be treated equally. And that reality sucks. So feminism is going to continue to challenge the norm because women didn't get to enter the workplace or close the wage gap as much as they have because men collectively said "hey, we should let women do this". If that was all it took, shouldn't there be no pay gap at all at this point? Shouldn't they have collectively said, "woah, this is shitty, people shouldn't make more money based on their gender or race." If the patriarchy is so benevolent, why does it only allow advancement after millions of people light a fire under its ass for a really long time?
No, we have what we have today because our feminist sisters (and brothers) fought their asses off to get us here. And we are going to fight our asses off so that our daughters and their daughters don't have this gap at all. So that they are compensated equitably for their work, thereby having the same access to a stable life and retirement.
Here is more information from the Joint Economic Committee on this topic. Some fun highlights for you:
- A woman working full time, year-round earns $10,800 less per year than a man, based on median annual earnings. This disparity can add up to nearly a half million dollars over a career.
- Although the gender pay gap has narrowed over time, at the current rate of change, it will not close until 2059, according to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research.
- Lower career earnings result in an even greater disparity in retirement income. Median income for women ages 65 and older ($17,400) is 44 percent less than the median income for men in the same age group ($31,200). Women 75 years and older are almost twice as likely as men to live in poverty.
- Women of color face even larger gender pay gaps. Compared to white men, African American women, on average, are paid only 60 cents on the dollar and Latinas are paid only 55 cents on the dollar.
- The pay gap typically grows with age. While women ages 18 to 24 earn 88 percent of what their male counterparts earn, women over age 35 earn only 76 percent.
- Economists believe that the gender pay gap is caused by complex factors. However, even when all those factors are taken into account, as much as 40 percent of the pay gap may be attributed to discrimination.
- American families depend on women’s earnings. In the typical (median) household with a mother working outside the home, women contribute nearly 40 percent of their family’s total earnings.
- Women’s increased participation in the paid labor force has been a major driver of economic growth in recent decades. According to the Council of Economic Advisers, the U.S. economy is $2.0 trillion bigger today than it would have been if women had not increased their participation and hours since 1970.
As a feminist, I recognize that femininity and masculinity are socially constructed. That while we are born with various genitalia and into specific biological categories, our gender is something completely different and is shaped, molded and enforced by society. I am deeply troubled by the limitations that masculinity places on the men in my life. I am saddened that "feminine" traits are seen as inferior and weak and that men are often terrified of demonstrating them for fear that someone will question their manhood or their sexual orientation. I am equally as concerned about how we raise men as I am about how we raise women. I want men to be able to cry, to be stay at home fathers or even just to take time off after their children are born to bond with and nurture them and to be able to be loving and supportive partners, to understand and respect consent, to advocate for their emotional mental and physical well beings while having enough empathy and respect for everyone else's.
But the reality is, the ramifications of exterminating feminism would have more severe implications for women than for men, which is why women are typically at the forefront of the conversation.
I beg of you, read Maya Angelou, read bell hooks, read Simone de Beauvoir, read Roxanne Gay or Malala Yousafzai and educate yourself on these matters rather than categorically hating on all feminists. Feminism is for everybody.
Feminism does not hate men. Let me repeat: FEMINISM. DOES. NOT. HATE. MEN. Feminism abhors and wants to dismantle (similarly to how I feel about your article) patriarchy, aka a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. A penis should not give you any additional privileges or bestow upon you any additional rights in our society. Nor should a vagina for that matter. Your genitalia shouldn't have anything to do with your rights. You are conflating individuals with social and economic structures.
I genuinely resent these statements whenever I hear them. I love the men in my life and I am appreciative for all they have contributed to my life. My stepdad basically raised me from 12 on, my friend Jordan is one of the best humans I have ever met, and I have been fortunate enough to be in love on two separate occasions both times with men who were incredibly supportive. But in any relationship, it is important to hold your loved ones accountable and to challenge their perspective of the world. Being a man comes with privilege and men must acknowledge that. Just as white women need to acknowledge that they have privileges women of color do not. We all, as individuals, need to do better and be better. And we, as a society, need to have a critical lens on the world we create and the impact of it. We need to do better and be better. This is a challenge and critique on patriarchy as a whole, not men as individuals.
Patriarchy, the society in which we live, is the only thing claiming there is a dominant gender and it sure as shit isn't claiming it's women. Women are not claiming to be dominant they are asking to be treated equal.
But I do agree with you on one thing, it is time to embrace that we exist in this sphere together, so I sincerely hope you and your counterparts finally decide to step up to the plate because we've been waiting. Despite the benefits and privilege you reap from feminism, you do not appreciate it. How lucky for you to crap all over something that will continue to have your back and fight for you no matter how many times you scorn it.
You don't have to be a perfect feminist to be a feminist. We will accept you from all ages, stages, races, genders, sexual identifications and economic statuses. But as I've said many times before, and I will say many times more: if you are not a feminist, you are an asshole.
And I think the millions of women, children, and men who marched yesterday in the womxn's marches around the world, might agree with me.
--------------------
I'd also like to end this little lesson by acknowledging that for the most part, I addressed these topics from a very heterosexual, white perspective. Many of my responses did not give a full explanation describing or factoring in the many layers of intersectionality that I should have. I take ownership for that and will continue to read more and educate myself better so that when I discuss these topics, I will have enough information to be able to readily respond with a more intersectional lens. I write these things generally as a mental purge so I need to build up the library in my brain in order to have a more complete collection with which I pull information from.
I am a bad feminist, but I am working on it.
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