Sex and the City
"...or was I addicted to the pain; the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable..."
-Sex and the City
How cliche for a girl to quote Sex and the City on her blog, but how can you not when it best mirrors real life relationships? The problem with Sex and the City is that Carrie ends up with Big; despite all the pain, all the history, all the damage, she gets her fairytale. He allows himself to be the man she could truly love and he gives in. But in reality, most Bigs never really come around.
People constantly identify me as Samantha because I am so open about talking about sex and believe that sex is a truly crucial part of a relationship (also because I am wildly inappropriate and have no shame). I see it as being equally important as emotional intimacy; both need to be a priority and both need to be developed. However where this falls shorts is that I am, at my core, a hopeless romantic. Unlike Samantha I love and yearn for monogamy.
In my eyes, I am and will always be Carrie. I found my Aidan and sometimes it feels like I have also encountered my Big. But in my reality, I know that time will not bring him around. I know that, at least in regards to me, he will always be limited. The "ever mine, ever thine, ever ours" won't happen. And so I am left with the frustration that our relationship has come to be, and I guess in some ways I have become accustomed to the pain and uncertainty. Even when I don't want him, I do. Even when I want someone else, he is always in the back of my mind, acting as the comparison. He's not my idea of perfection, not even my idea of my dream man but I have grown into him. I know in time this feeling will pass and I won't lie and say there haven't been other men I have been willing to leave him behind for. I just know that he is the point I always seem to come back to. And I sometimes wonder if I want him so bad because I can't have him the way I want OR if I truly do just want him.
I see no future with him; no marriage or kids... oddly enough I don't even know if I see myself falling in love with. But I just can't seem to shake the idea of wanting him in the present. Maybe, like Carrie, I am addicted.
(***Hopefully I turn out to be Miranda, and get a Steve...preferably with both balls)
-Sex and the City
How cliche for a girl to quote Sex and the City on her blog, but how can you not when it best mirrors real life relationships? The problem with Sex and the City is that Carrie ends up with Big; despite all the pain, all the history, all the damage, she gets her fairytale. He allows himself to be the man she could truly love and he gives in. But in reality, most Bigs never really come around.
People constantly identify me as Samantha because I am so open about talking about sex and believe that sex is a truly crucial part of a relationship (also because I am wildly inappropriate and have no shame). I see it as being equally important as emotional intimacy; both need to be a priority and both need to be developed. However where this falls shorts is that I am, at my core, a hopeless romantic. Unlike Samantha I love and yearn for monogamy.
In my eyes, I am and will always be Carrie. I found my Aidan and sometimes it feels like I have also encountered my Big. But in my reality, I know that time will not bring him around. I know that, at least in regards to me, he will always be limited. The "ever mine, ever thine, ever ours" won't happen. And so I am left with the frustration that our relationship has come to be, and I guess in some ways I have become accustomed to the pain and uncertainty. Even when I don't want him, I do. Even when I want someone else, he is always in the back of my mind, acting as the comparison. He's not my idea of perfection, not even my idea of my dream man but I have grown into him. I know in time this feeling will pass and I won't lie and say there haven't been other men I have been willing to leave him behind for. I just know that he is the point I always seem to come back to. And I sometimes wonder if I want him so bad because I can't have him the way I want OR if I truly do just want him.
I see no future with him; no marriage or kids... oddly enough I don't even know if I see myself falling in love with. But I just can't seem to shake the idea of wanting him in the present. Maybe, like Carrie, I am addicted.
(***Hopefully I turn out to be Miranda, and get a Steve...preferably with both balls)
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