I have worked incredibly hard on myself. I have strived to be a different, better person. The same me, but a stronger, more self-assured, and comfortable person. Someone more mellow. Someone not requiring drama.
I've always enjoyed absurd comments and being slightly ridiculous. I like being funny. But lately I have learned to draw a line. I am comfortable enough in my own skin that I don't have to prove anything and can just let myself flow freely.
Yet I find when I am surrounded by people from my past I become an extreme version of myself that I am not particularly proud of. It's not even like I am as bad as I once was, or anything even remotely along those things. It's just that I feel the need to resort to some of my own past behaviors, to be a source of entertainment for others. I resort to behaviors I don't want to exhibit.
It's not that those people have grown or changed over the years; it's that I am not close enough with them anymore to feel sure-footed enough in my interactions. I am unable to maintain my due north because I feel so at odds or so unsure of myself that I resort to a place of inferiority and weakness.
I don't like those aspects of myself and I strive to change them. I am just always shocked when they rear their ugly head.
I've always enjoyed absurd comments and being slightly ridiculous. I like being funny. But lately I have learned to draw a line. I am comfortable enough in my own skin that I don't have to prove anything and can just let myself flow freely.
Yet I find when I am surrounded by people from my past I become an extreme version of myself that I am not particularly proud of. It's not even like I am as bad as I once was, or anything even remotely along those things. It's just that I feel the need to resort to some of my own past behaviors, to be a source of entertainment for others. I resort to behaviors I don't want to exhibit.
It's not that those people have grown or changed over the years; it's that I am not close enough with them anymore to feel sure-footed enough in my interactions. I am unable to maintain my due north because I feel so at odds or so unsure of myself that I resort to a place of inferiority and weakness.
I don't like those aspects of myself and I strive to change them. I am just always shocked when they rear their ugly head.
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