Don't poach other people's experiences.

I find it incredibly frustrating when someone says something, joking or otherwise, that is incredibly racist and sexist  and when called out on it, try to poach other people's experiences to clarify that they, themselves, are not sexist or racist. "Trust me, I am not sexist, someone close to me was sexually assaulted, so I would never be sexist."

I am sorry, but just because you know someone who has experienced a symptom of racism/sexism/any other ism does not somehow cancel out your comments or behavior. Look bud, you/I/we were raised in a racist, sexist culture. Therefore, if you get called out, OWN IT, acknowledge, and then demand better of yourself going forward.

I have said many racist, sexist things that I didn't understand were racist or sexist until someone called me out on it. And I understand the desire to defend yourself because we don't mean to be those things, but you have to be open to constructive criticism otherwise you are perpetuating the culture and the ignorance you say you abhor. So if you know someone who has experienced that, then being even more critical of your words and actions. Embrace the awareness that people bring to your attention and be better if not for yourself (though I hope you are doing it for you) than at the very least for your friends that have been impacted.