The world is crushing my soul.
There are things I see in this world that affect me so deeply; that overwhelm me with anger, confusion, hopelessness, fear.
Today as I was leaving work I heard a commotion so I look across the street and see at least 10 guys kicking some guys shit in. My gut reaction was to yell at them to leave him alone, but then my fear instantly silenced me. That fear that tells you as a woman, you do not want to step into a pack of violent men. So I called the cops, yet I felt so hopeless because I could barely explain what I saw. Everything was happening so quickly and I was looking for any detail that would help catch these people. As the cops rolled up everyone fled, including the victim, so there was nothing to be done.
It just filled me with such a deep pain.
Half of me sat their in judgment wondering how these people could be so morally corrupt and such evil people to 1.) be violent 2.) attack a defenseless person 3.) while in a mob. What is wrong with them?! But then the other half of me jumped in to ...not defend them, because how do you defend that, but to provide context. How could you not be filled with anger and rage when you are a homeless teenager? And from my psych studies, I sadly am well aware of how easy it is to get sucked into a mob mentality and to brutalize another person. Anyone is capable of succumbing to that.
I can't and I WON'T defend what I saw but I am left angry at the world. Angry that we create this violence. Angry that there are so many abandoned and forgotten people. Angry that our culture is so apathetic.
Sometimes I just fucking hate the world around me because I don't know how to make it better. I want to be an agent of change, but sometimes I feel like I am no more than a single drop of rain. What impact does that have?
And then I try to remind myself that "what is any ocean but a multitude of drops?” (Cloud Atlas). If I don't constantly remind myself of this, the world will break me.
Today as I was leaving work I heard a commotion so I look across the street and see at least 10 guys kicking some guys shit in. My gut reaction was to yell at them to leave him alone, but then my fear instantly silenced me. That fear that tells you as a woman, you do not want to step into a pack of violent men. So I called the cops, yet I felt so hopeless because I could barely explain what I saw. Everything was happening so quickly and I was looking for any detail that would help catch these people. As the cops rolled up everyone fled, including the victim, so there was nothing to be done.
It just filled me with such a deep pain.
Half of me sat their in judgment wondering how these people could be so morally corrupt and such evil people to 1.) be violent 2.) attack a defenseless person 3.) while in a mob. What is wrong with them?! But then the other half of me jumped in to ...not defend them, because how do you defend that, but to provide context. How could you not be filled with anger and rage when you are a homeless teenager? And from my psych studies, I sadly am well aware of how easy it is to get sucked into a mob mentality and to brutalize another person. Anyone is capable of succumbing to that.
I can't and I WON'T defend what I saw but I am left angry at the world. Angry that we create this violence. Angry that there are so many abandoned and forgotten people. Angry that our culture is so apathetic.
Sometimes I just fucking hate the world around me because I don't know how to make it better. I want to be an agent of change, but sometimes I feel like I am no more than a single drop of rain. What impact does that have?
And then I try to remind myself that "what is any ocean but a multitude of drops?” (Cloud Atlas). If I don't constantly remind myself of this, the world will break me.
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