I almost...
I won't say much about you. Honestly the situation perplexes me so much I don't know what there is to say.
I had started to accept the fact that I had my shot at true love and had blown it. A sad truth to accept at the ripe age of 21. But when you love someone that hard and the love is lost... and after two years you still haven't even found a glimmer of that in someone else, you start to worry. Shit, I was in a relationship with someone and didn't feel that way. I was hopeful, but I always had my doubts. Then we broke up.
And you happened. Out of no where. We had been friends for over a year and I never really knew that was there between us. The first time you kissed me my heart almost leapt out of my chest. The butterflies. I had forgotten what that felt like.
And then all the sudden I just caught myself falling for you and I didn't know what to do because it had only been like a week. I mean how crazy is that?! But I had already known you and seen into your soul partly before that, so the more I found out about you and the more time I spent with you, the less I could control it. Every night I came up to Bellingham I spent with you. The way you looked at me... it felt like you saw me. And we were never physically intimate which probably made it worse, because for the first time in two years I was being treated with respect.
The night we jumped into Boulevard, just you and me. That was a perfect night.
And then after less than a month, you flipped the switch on me. I am not sure I will ever get it, and you know I have my speculations about why you did. It doesn't really matter though. You made a choice. And what sucks the most is that our friendship isn't even the same. We almost got it all back but I just couldn't help having feelings for you again. I am not sure I ever fully moved on to begin with.
But the past is the past. I no longer have feelings for you. And I barely even have a desire to be your friend. I am just apathetic now. Maybe that will change in the future but who knows. I don't have the energy to fight for people anymore so it may not.
I will say this, thank you for reminding me how I am supposed to be treated by a man and how I can feel for someone. I almost forgot. I almost settled for less.
I had started to accept the fact that I had my shot at true love and had blown it. A sad truth to accept at the ripe age of 21. But when you love someone that hard and the love is lost... and after two years you still haven't even found a glimmer of that in someone else, you start to worry. Shit, I was in a relationship with someone and didn't feel that way. I was hopeful, but I always had my doubts. Then we broke up.
And you happened. Out of no where. We had been friends for over a year and I never really knew that was there between us. The first time you kissed me my heart almost leapt out of my chest. The butterflies. I had forgotten what that felt like.
And then all the sudden I just caught myself falling for you and I didn't know what to do because it had only been like a week. I mean how crazy is that?! But I had already known you and seen into your soul partly before that, so the more I found out about you and the more time I spent with you, the less I could control it. Every night I came up to Bellingham I spent with you. The way you looked at me... it felt like you saw me. And we were never physically intimate which probably made it worse, because for the first time in two years I was being treated with respect.
The night we jumped into Boulevard, just you and me. That was a perfect night.
And then after less than a month, you flipped the switch on me. I am not sure I will ever get it, and you know I have my speculations about why you did. It doesn't really matter though. You made a choice. And what sucks the most is that our friendship isn't even the same. We almost got it all back but I just couldn't help having feelings for you again. I am not sure I ever fully moved on to begin with.
But the past is the past. I no longer have feelings for you. And I barely even have a desire to be your friend. I am just apathetic now. Maybe that will change in the future but who knows. I don't have the energy to fight for people anymore so it may not.
I will say this, thank you for reminding me how I am supposed to be treated by a man and how I can feel for someone. I almost forgot. I almost settled for less.
Comments
Post a Comment