D.
“You take people as far as they will go, not as far as you would like them to go.”
I knew a month after being with you that you would never love me or really ever give me the relationship that I wanted. But you were so convincing and I let myself believe you. Then I spent the next year and a half trying to convince myself I was wrong. You made beautiful promises. And I think you really wanted to keep them. You wanted to be the person I had imagined... and the person you imagined. But you were never able to.
And somehow I became less than myself with you. Our relationship became a toxic poison. Even though I knew you didn't love me I loved you. I wouldn't say in love. But I do love you. And it kills me. I was too afraid to walk away from you so I tried to be content suffering. I tried to put band aids on the gaping wound by flirting with other guys and playing games. I tried to fight with you to keep us together. But the more I tried the more you slipped through my fingers. And then it became too late in your mind. There were too many mistakes made by both sides. There was no fixing us.
I just couldn't care enough for the both of us anymore. It was too draining. I felt like I was losing myself in the relationship. I sacrificed so much of me to stay content enough to be in our relationship.
I don't blame you. I know it seems like I do but I don't. We had so much potential. I am sorry it could never equate to more. We both made this mess. And the reality is, I knew you couldn't change but I just didn't want to let you go. And you didn't want to let me go. There is something to be said in that.
I hope at the end of all this when we look back on our relationship we think of the good times. The times we spent in bed, the night you kissed me at the Nightlite in front of everyone. Halloween this year, laying in bed talking about what we wanted. All of those little moments, taking care of each other and embracing each other. Other people never really knew us, they never knew about those moments... those perfect little moments that made me believe it was worth staying around. Our relationship wasn't perfect. No where near it. But I am glad I met you, despite the pain I am feeling now. I wish we could have been more but it is what it is. But I hope you know that I have love for you, and did not walk away easily.
| — | Jeanette Rankin |
I knew a month after being with you that you would never love me or really ever give me the relationship that I wanted. But you were so convincing and I let myself believe you. Then I spent the next year and a half trying to convince myself I was wrong. You made beautiful promises. And I think you really wanted to keep them. You wanted to be the person I had imagined... and the person you imagined. But you were never able to.
And somehow I became less than myself with you. Our relationship became a toxic poison. Even though I knew you didn't love me I loved you. I wouldn't say in love. But I do love you. And it kills me. I was too afraid to walk away from you so I tried to be content suffering. I tried to put band aids on the gaping wound by flirting with other guys and playing games. I tried to fight with you to keep us together. But the more I tried the more you slipped through my fingers. And then it became too late in your mind. There were too many mistakes made by both sides. There was no fixing us.
I just couldn't care enough for the both of us anymore. It was too draining. I felt like I was losing myself in the relationship. I sacrificed so much of me to stay content enough to be in our relationship.
I don't blame you. I know it seems like I do but I don't. We had so much potential. I am sorry it could never equate to more. We both made this mess. And the reality is, I knew you couldn't change but I just didn't want to let you go. And you didn't want to let me go. There is something to be said in that.
I hope at the end of all this when we look back on our relationship we think of the good times. The times we spent in bed, the night you kissed me at the Nightlite in front of everyone. Halloween this year, laying in bed talking about what we wanted. All of those little moments, taking care of each other and embracing each other. Other people never really knew us, they never knew about those moments... those perfect little moments that made me believe it was worth staying around. Our relationship wasn't perfect. No where near it. But I am glad I met you, despite the pain I am feeling now. I wish we could have been more but it is what it is. But I hope you know that I have love for you, and did not walk away easily.
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