Like a zombie.
I have been a zombie for the past two months. But I guess that is what happens when you can't sleep for more than three hours consecutively. And even in those short teasers of sleep, your subconscious takes your dreams hostage. You wake up feeling more exhausted then when you went to sleep.
When you don't get enough good sleep, you are incapable of coping with the stressors of everyday life, let alone the emotional traumas that can occur over the course of a few months. Your ability to censor or have self-control is severely diminished. Then everything becomes so overwhelming and you become a victim of this darkness that corrodes your soul. It makes it feel like you can't get through anything, like you are just barely getting by. Everyday you are just barely getting through. And all your emotions are heightened because your mind is too exhausted to balance your heart. It's the worst kind of internal chaos.
I was like that for almost two months. I was completely drained.
Then something happened about a week ago. I actually slept an entire night... well, I slept five hours consecutively and then was able to fall back to sleep for another three hours. It was amazing. Then the same thing happened the next two nights. And I have continued to sleep well. I wake up feeling refreshed. I have a clear mind. I have energy. I can make rational decisions. Life is manageable. My emotions are manageable.
I finally am beginning to feel human again. I am finally feeling like myself again. I pray for more sleep and sweeter dreams to persist.
When you don't get enough good sleep, you are incapable of coping with the stressors of everyday life, let alone the emotional traumas that can occur over the course of a few months. Your ability to censor or have self-control is severely diminished. Then everything becomes so overwhelming and you become a victim of this darkness that corrodes your soul. It makes it feel like you can't get through anything, like you are just barely getting by. Everyday you are just barely getting through. And all your emotions are heightened because your mind is too exhausted to balance your heart. It's the worst kind of internal chaos.
I was like that for almost two months. I was completely drained.
Then something happened about a week ago. I actually slept an entire night... well, I slept five hours consecutively and then was able to fall back to sleep for another three hours. It was amazing. Then the same thing happened the next two nights. And I have continued to sleep well. I wake up feeling refreshed. I have a clear mind. I have energy. I can make rational decisions. Life is manageable. My emotions are manageable.
I finally am beginning to feel human again. I am finally feeling like myself again. I pray for more sleep and sweeter dreams to persist.
Comments
Post a Comment