May 16th

There are some people you meet in your life who shake every belief you ever had about yourself. Not in a negative way. But it a way that exposes every beautiful thing about you. Even in your crazy and your tears and your insecurities there is beauty. It is love so deep it touches you to your core.

I had this once.

I worried I would never find love like that. But I guess in all reality I didn't find it. It found me, and I took a risk. I took a leap of faith and I let someone in. I exposed all my pain, all my crazy, all my joy, all my insecurities, all my fears, all my passion. All of me. And it was the most beautiful relationship. For a time anyways. Sometimes when you leap, you fall. And when you love hard, you fall harder. The give and take of life I guess. Good thing I have always thought my scars were beautiful.

I think sometimes when you have felt a hole in your life and then you find something that fills it, there becomes this silent fear that you could lose it. Pain isn't that bad once you get used to it. But just like if you gave someone medication for a broken bone then took the medication away, when you fill a hole in your soul then it crumbles... the pain is immense. Both of us were afraid. But it affected us differently. You held on so tight, as if keeping me close to you would keep me from walking away. All it did was suffocate me. We were too young. Too immature. And too much growing left to do. What a beautiful relationship we had. How loving it was.

I always thought I would end up with you. Even years after we broke up I believed to my core that we would. I have since left this notion in the dust. But I appreciate what our relationship opened me up to. I am now aware of how big my heart is, and how much love I have to give to others. Thank you for teaching me that. I will always have love for you because of it.

I hope you blossom into the man I saw in you. I hope you never let your fears hold you back anymore. I hope you embrace yourself to the fullest. And I hope you find love again.

True love. I had this once with you. I will have it again. With someone who is strong enough to fight to see that beauty when the clouds and the rain make it difficult to see.

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